


being intimate

by aroacedit



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Jeonghan, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Relationship, Aromanticism, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Explicit Consent, M/M, Masturbation, No Sex, Other, exhibitionism but it's very much not the focus, if you need more specific deets about what kind of content is in this fic, pls check the notes in the beginning i will do my best to cover everything relevant dsjknfjksdn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 02:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15427089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacedit/pseuds/aroacedit
Summary: what we are:close, good friends, in a relationship, "together", dating (pretty much)what we aren't:having sex





	being intimate

**Author's Note:**

> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING TO ASSESS WHETHER THIS FIC IS SAFE FOR YOU TO READ, SPOILERS ABOUND  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> 
> 
> This fic contains:  
> \- NO mention of genitalia  
> \- NO partnered sex  
> \- NO boundary violations  
> \- c o n s e n t  
> \- a very understanding partner who does his best to not put pressure on the aroace
> 
> This fic is written from the POV of an aroace who is very much not into sex, so by design he's very removed from the situation and doesn't really focus much on what his partner is doing. He doesn't see anything happen (it's out of his line of sight), and everything that happens is only hinted at and never explicitly talked about. He mostly just monologues and thinks about how his partner's face looks funny and reminisces about their romantic relationship, tbh.  
> 
> 
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *

The apartment is oddly quiet when Jeonghan gets home, jiggling his keys with one hand to try and find the right one. He strains his ears but can't hear anything coming from inside, even though the walls of the home he shares with Jisoo are so paper-thin that it wouldn’t be a surprise if he heard someone breathe through them. It's true that he's home about three hours early today though, so maybe it's normal that he doesn't open the door to Jisoo's humming floating out of the kitchen or the sight of him tapping away steadily on his laptop in the living room, lips pursed. 

A glance at the neatest section of the shoe rack confirms that unless Jisoo's gotten a new pair of shoes that Jeonghan doesn't know about, he's definitely home. There's no silhouette visible on the balcony so Jeonghan takes a peek in the kitchen to make sure it's really empty, putting his heavy bag on the couch as he passes before checking the closest rooms. 

"Jisoo," he calls, wandering out of the laundry and up the hallway, "Where are you?" 

"In here," he hears, faintly. 

Jeonghan opens the door of Jisoo's room and finds him finally, sat up in bed with messy clumps of hair stuck to his forehead. "I was asleep," he says. He pauses to lick his dry lips and clear his throat. "You're home unexpectedly early," he adds, stretching with a yawn. 

Jeonghan shrugs and moves to press a kiss to his temple. "Got lucky. The manager let us go because they had a party to go to and there hadn't been any customers in over an hour. Kinda irresponsible but hey, it's on her, not me." He sits on the edge of the bed and puts his arms around Jisoo from behind, enjoying his warmth and basking in his presence after not having seen him all day. 

"I guess so," says Jisoo, giving Jeonghan a look as best as he can in their positions. "Though you're one to call others irresponsible. I had to ask three times before you managed to buy the milk last week." 

Petulant, Jeonghan buries his face into the nape of Jisoo's neck and leans on him until he's forced to hunch over. "I just kept forgetting," he grumbles, "It's not like I did it on purpose." 

"You should try remembering on purpose," Jisoo admonishes. His back vibrates pleasantly under Jeonghan's chest as he talks. "That'd probably work out better for you." 

"Better for you, you mean."

"Well, yes. Better for both of us. Can you get off me?" 

"No."

Jisoo sighs and gives up trying to resist. Smiling in satisfaction, Jeonghan leans on him a minute longer before easing off the pressure and letting him up. 

"You're a cruel partner," Jisoo tells him, groaning as he straightens out his back, "I don't even think you really love me sometimes, with the way you act." 

"That's what you get for dating an aromantic asexual," Jeonghan cackles, lying down across the bed and grinning up at him, "Your own fault." 

"Woe is me," agrees Jisoo, reaching out to cup his face. "Worst decision I ever made, to spend all my time with somebody I love." He's doing the thing again, the one where he stares into Jeonghan's eyes with a small smile on his face and sparkles at him. 

"You're so cheesy and gross," Jeonghan accuses, even as he brings one hand up to rest lightly on Jisoo's wrist. "I need to do something to repel you, otherwise you'll just smother me in love until I die." 

"Uhuh," says Jisoo, brings Jeonghan's hand up to his mouth so he can kiss his knuckles one by one. "Whatever you say." Jeonghan watches him do it, scowling, but makes no move to stop him—not even when Jisoo giggles into the back of his hand after catching sight of his face. 

It's cute. It's so cute and Jisoo is so cute and Jeonghan thinks he might die from how cute it all is. 

"Okay, okay, point taken, you love me, big deal," he says, and takes his hand back, flopping grouchily over on his side and pouting. He winces, landing on something that pokes him uncomfortably in the ribs so he flips the covers back to get whatever it is out from under him. 

Jisoo's hand flies out to catch his only a moment too late. 

"Wow," says Jeonghan. "You were sleeping, huh?"

The blush rises in Jisoo's face as Jeonghan takes in what's been hidden under the blankets and realises what had been happening before he'd gotten home. Laptop, tissues, muted porn video, Jisoo's naked lower half. Definitely evidence of a nap being taken. 

"Like I said, I didn't expect you to be back so early."

Jeonghan looks over at him. Jisoo's still blushing but he stares back challengingly, daring Jeonghan to say something about it even as he reaches for the blankets to cover himself back up. 

"Is this what you do every week before I come home?" 

Jisoo looks away. "No," he sighs, "not every week. Sometimes. You'd be at work, so…" He trails off and makes a helpless gesture. "I took advantage of the fact that you wouldn't be around." 

"Hiding it from me?" 

He shrugs. "I- you feel guilty about it. So. I don't like it when you feel guilty about this." 

Jeonghan tilts his head. "Do you want me to leave so you can finish?" he asks, and is a little fascinated to see Jisoo do his utmost to go even redder. 

"It's fine," says Jisoo, and buries his head into the blankets with a groan. "Don't- don't ask me things like that. Oh my god. This is the worst." 

Jeonghan cackles, pops the tissues in their rightful place on the bedside table and takes the laptop over to the desk where it's no longer in danger of getting crushed. He gets an idea just as he puts it down and stops, his back turned to the bed. 

"Jeonghan?" 

He takes a moment to really run it through his head, to make sure he really feels okay with it, hypervigilant for any feelings of discomfort. Finding none, he glances sidelong at Jisoo as coyly as he can and pushes the laptop farther away from him with his fingertips. 

Jisoo's eyes track the movement, just as he'd hoped. "You don't need that anymore," says Jeonghan, pausing with his hand still on the laptop, "Your boyfriend is home now."

He can feel Jisoo's eyes on his back, watching him suspiciously. "Sex is off the table with _my boyfriend_ , unless he's somehow forgotten about that." 

Jeonghan can't help smiling at that, can't help the little flip of happiness in his gut at hearing the words and turns his face away so Jisoo won't see. "I haven't forgotten, and I haven't changed my mind, but I _am_ willing to help out."

"What." 

Jeonghan saunters back over to the bed, tries to look as saucy and smooth doing it as he can. Jisoo just watches him with narrowed eyes, unconvinced. "You're not in one of your moods again, are you?" he asks. 

What they both know Jisoo means is that sometimes Jeonghan just gets it into his head that he'd like to have sex with him because he's afraid that one day Jisoo will get sick of putting up with always having to deal with his sexual frustrations by himself, because he's afraid if he doesn't sign on the dotted line with his body that Jisoo will decide he doesn't want to be with Jeonghan anymore. It's never really because Jeonghan wants it or even wants to try, it's always because the fear of losing Jisoo chokes him up so badly on the inside that it would almost be better just to do it and get it over and done with, even if he doesn't actually want it. 

Every time he gets like that Jisoo pushes him away without fail, never lets anything happen, always sits with him patiently while an undressed Jeonghan sobs out his insecurities on his shirt and reminds him that he still means what he said about being okay with the way things were, back when they'd first gotten tangled up with each other. 

"This isn't like that," says Jeonghan, and he knows it's true because there's no tsunami of dread making his gorge rise, no bitter taste of terror mixed with the metallic tang of determined resignation at the back of his throat. "This is different."

Jisoo eyes him skeptically, but he doesn't say anything, going along with it cautiously when Jeonghan pushes him towards the end of the bed. Having made enough room for himself, Jeonghan clambers back onto the bed behind Jisoo and crosses his legs before pulling a pillow over his thighs. He leans forwards and tugs Jisoo down until he's lying on it with the covers pulled up to his chest, looking quizzically up at him. 

"There," says Jeonghan, leaning over Jisoo's head as he rests his chin on his hand. "Feel free to resume." He smiles, satisfied with himself, and trails his palm up the line of Jisoo's jaw. 

"What," says Jisoo again, sounding just as flat as the first time. "What do you mean, "resume"? What are you trying to do here?" He's frowning. Jeonghan smiles wider and runs a thumb over the tensed muscles of Jisoo's mouth, presses the finger into his face a little, gently, so his cheek puffs up. It makes him look even cuter, somehow. "Don't smile at me like that, it never means anything good. Are you going to answer me any time soon, or…?"

"I've always been curious about what people look like when they're getting themselves off," says Jeonghan, and is pleased to see Jisoo's blush come back in full force. His eyes have widened, and he seems to be unable or unwilling to tear his eyes away from Jeonghan's face. "I'd be particularly interested in you—unless you don't think you can do it with me watching you?" 

It's bait and a way out both because Jisoo knows that Jeonghan knows that Jisoo has a thing for being watched and being focused on, and because they both know that if Jisoo says no Jeonghan will leave the room and they'll never speak of this again. 

"I can still go if you want," adds Jeonghan, just to be sure. "It's entirely up to you how you'd like to finish this." 

He tries to look as open as possible as Jisoo chews on his lip and scans Jeonghan's face, looking for something. There's a set to his mouth that means he's worried but it smooths away as Jisoo finds (or doesn't find) whatever he's looking for. He breaks the eye contact and wriggles down into the bed a little more. "I'm… I'd… it's okay with me," he says finally, and draws the covers up higher until they're covering his nose. 

Jeonghan tsks and pushes them back down again, leaving his hand to rest lightly on Jisoo's chest. "I want to see your face," he reminds, and watches the line of Jisoo's throat bob as he swallows hard. "The point of this is for me to watch, remember?" 

Jisoo licks at his lips, eyes dark. The blankets rustle a little as he shifts and Jeonghan knows that he's touching himself underneath them, pressing fingertips into sensitive spots as all the while his eyes are fixed on Jeonghan's face. 

(Jeonghan's pretty grateful for the presence of that blanket, actually. He'd probably be way too grossed out by whatever he'd see otherwise to try doing this at all. As it is, it's in his best interests to ignore what's going on down there as much as possible.)

It takes some time for Jisoo to warm up to it, the strangeness of the situation probably making it hard to get into the right rhythm and feeling, but soon enough Jisoo is gasping softly as he moves, eyelids fluttering and head tilted back. His brows are knitted and it looks kind of funny, how his face tenses in degrees like a slow-motion sneeze. 

It's probably the furthest thing from a romantic situation, but Jeonghan gives in to the urge to touch Jisoo's face anyway, cards his fingers through his hair and strokes at the sweat forming on his forehead. Jisoo looks out of it, looks like he's gone far off somewhere inside his head, somewhere where Jeonghan can't reach and doesn't understand, like he's experiencing things so distant from Jeonghan's world that they might as well not be on the same plane.

But Jisoo is here. He's right here in front of him, tangible and solid, weighing heavy on Jeonghan's legs as he presses his hips up towards the ceiling with a wordless little noise. Jeonghan smooths his thumb over the jut of Jisoo's cheekbones, runs his fingers down the long column of his neck, touches him just because he can. 

"What are you doing?" Jisoo manages. The words in the question run together, _whatareyoudoing_ , slurred and all in one breath rather than properly formed. Jeonghan can see the shape of his arm still working under the covers, moving rhythmically and with purpose. It's kind of lovely that Jisoo's still paying attention to him even when he's like this, mouth parted, breath coming in short, shoulders heaving with the force of his motion. 

Jeonghan quirks his mouth. "Helping," he says, and pinches Jisoo's nose just for fun. 

The reaction is instantaneous. Blinking, Jisoo twists his head away from Jeonghan's hand and turns to stare up at him incredulously. "What the hell was that?!" 

At the sight of his expression, Jeonghan bursts out laughing and hunches over weakly, resting his forehead on Jisoo's as he shakes. "Sorry," he gasps, "I couldn't help it. You just looked so into it and I just. I had to mess with you."

Jisoo groans and presses back with his forehead, trying to get Jeonghan to sit up again. "You're such a dick," he complains, "I should've known this was a terrible idea. I can't believe I let you talk me into this." He pushes at Jeonghan's head with a palm. "Hey, get off." 

Jeonghan chortles but listens, grabbing Jisoo's arm on his way up to trap it in a hug. "I'm just that good," he says cheerily, "Good at talking you into terrible ideas." 

The arm he's holding tries to swat at him. "You could stand to sound a little more ashamed of yourself." 

Jeonghan dodges it deftly and neutralises the threat by enveloping Jisoo's hand in his own. "I'm not ashamed. We wouldn't be here if I hadn't talked you into leaving that party and going on a nighttime stroll together even though we were strangers. I always talk you into things. That's the essence of me and you."

"You had nothing to do with it," says Jisoo, tilting his chin up to glare balefully at him. He tries to twist his arm out of Jeonghan's grip without success. "I thought it was a good idea to leave too. That party sucked." 

"What about me," challenges Jeonghan, "Being friends. Being partners. You always complain so much about the things I do." 

Jisoo rolls his eyes. "I meant what I said. I don't mind it, not really." Still holding onto the arm with one hand, Jeonghan reaches the other forward to cup Jisoo's cheek, smiling fondly when he pays it no mind and just continues. "I knew what I was getting myself into. It was never going to be easy with you. Not even because of the aro ace thing, but because you're you and what you are is incredibly annoying." 

"Aww," coos Jeonghan, and leans down to kiss the tip of Jisoo's nose. "So thoughtful. My heart's totally fluttering." 

"Don't try to sound like you didn't fish for the compliment." 

"But you said you didn't mind whatever I do."

"You could try and make my life a little bit easier." 

Jeonghan grins. "Nah. Screwing with you is fun." 

"So capricious," says Jisoo with a click of his tongue, and takes the opportunity when Jeonghan smirks down at him to snatch his arm back. "At least maybe don't pinch my nose when I'm trying to get off? That's kind of awful of you and your ass would be immediately dumped if I were anyone else."

Amused, Jeonghan lets it go, opting instead to pat Jisoo's cheek and tell him, "Yes, yes, very magnanimous of you. Your love for me truly knows no bounds. How sweet." 

Jisoo's still looking pretty put out, so before he can reply Jeonghan ghosts his fingers down his neck and digs them gently into his collarbone. "You're so sweet," he repeats, feeling sort of vaguely satisfied as Jisoo sucks in a sharp breath and squeezes his eyes shut. "Aren't you going to keep going?" 

There's something sitting at the back of Jisoo's eyes when he looks up again at Jeonghan, something unidentifiable and strange and full of meaning. Jeonghan tries to meet it, looks back as if he gets it, but really he can't grasp whatever it's saying even as he understands there's something being said. It feels like he's standing on the edge of a cliff, watching as something falls into the dark depths, too far away for him to reach. 

(The worst thing about all this maybe is that even while seeing this in action Jeonghan doesn't understand, can't seem to put together the pieces in his head somehow, frustratingly. It feels like they should somehow slot together and make sense, becoming complete with a satisfying click that signifies the last fragment sliding home even though Jeonghan should've long accepted that they never would look right to him. His puzzle isn't one that can or should be solved.)

His bewilderment must show somehow, because Jisoo reaches up to cover the hand on his collarbone with his, turning his face towards it and kissing Jeonghan's palm lightly as he starts moving again. It's such a Jisoo thing to do, soft and familiar and loving and so careful, always careful of Jeonghan and how he's feeling. The sensation drags him back from the brink, loops a secure arm around his waist like Jisoo so often does and reminds him that he doesn't have to leap into the abyss chasing something he doesn't need. Jeonghan tucks a lock of Jisoo's hair behind his ear for him and wonders for maybe the millionth time what he's done to deserve this. 

"You're so good for me," he tries, but he doesn't know what it means and it sounds stiff and parroted and wrong so he changes tactics. "You're so good to me. So lovely, so perfect, so kind." 

Jisoo's breath is hot against the skin of his palm. He's stopped trying to kiss, probably too caught up in whatever he's doing to do anything more than just kind of nose at Jeonghan's hand and make soft little desperate-sounding noises. The grip on his wrist is firm, tightening occasionally in bursts as Jisoo tenses up again and again and again, but he never squeezes him hard enough to hurt. 

"I love you so much. You mean everything to me and I don't know what I'd do without you," Jeonghan continues, skimming his thumb over Jisoo's ear and pausing to rub at the holes left by his various different piercings. Jisoo moans, quietly. "I'm so thankful that you exist. So happy whenever you're with me." 

"Don't sweet talk me when I'm busy," Jisoo interrupts, voice hoarse, "I'm trying to do something here, but you're just making me-" He cuts off, must hit something right because he hisses and jerks, throws his head back with his eyes shut tight. 

Jeonghan caresses the tense skin near his temple to try and soothe him through it, half amused and half concerned. "You were saying?" 

"Fuck you," Jisoo pants, and seems to do whatever he just did again, face screwing up. "I can't think. You bastard." 

Jeonghan laughs. It surprises him that he's actually having fun doing this, that he can do this while sitting at a comfortable distance away from the action. Then again, it's all just torturing Jisoo within an inch of his life and that _is_ Jeonghan's favourite hobby. 

"You're so cute when you're concentrating," he says, giggling when Jisoo's eyes snap open to glare at him in annoyance. "All focused and trying so hard."

"Shut up, you," Jisoo pauses to catch his breath, visibly trying to sort out his thoughts, "insufferable asshole. Stop talking." 

"Ooh, big words," teases Jeonghan, but decides to relent when Jisoo swallows a retort in favour of whining, high and strained. "Okay, okay, I'll stop talking." He bends down. "I'll act _responsible_ for once," he whispers, directly into the shell of Jisoo's ear, and grins when he shivers in response. 

Looking at it like this from the outside makes it seem kind of awful, honestly. Jisoo looks so wrecked, has his face scrunched up weird like he's suffering and it all really hurts and none of this is enjoyable whatsoever. But he must be having fun, because Jisoo always says that it feels good and he likes it and it's simply amazing when his every nerve is lit afire. If nothing else Jeonghan trusts that, trusts Jisoo to know what he wants like he trusts Jeonghan to know what _he_ wants, never pushing if Jeonghan says he's uncomfortable with something. It's baffling that something like this which causes people to make stupid faces and sweat endless buckets could ever be remotely pleasant, but if Jisoo is happy with what he's doing to himself, then Jeonghan is fine with it too. 

There's a little hollow at the base of Jisoo's throat that's heaving with the heavy force of his breaths. Jeonghan pokes his fingers into it, curious, observing interestedly as his fingertips graze against the edges of Jisoo's collarbones with every breath taken. The ripple of his chest is visible too, straining against the collar of Jisoo's t-shirt and pushing up the sheets with every rise and fall. Fascinated, Jeonghan flattens his palm against the plane of his chest and slides it down, feeling the shift of muscle and skin against bone, Jisoo's lungs working frantically to keep him breathing. 

He'd meant to keep going, to put his hand on the flat of Jisoo's stomach maybe because it would surely feel even more different and intriguing lower down there than it did up here but he only makes it halfway when Jisoo cries out abruptly and arches his back high off the bed. Alarmed, Jeonghan yanks his hand back. 

"Did I do something wrong? Are you okay? I'm sorry-" 

Jisoo shakes his head empathetically and Jeonghan cuts off, unsure. It takes a moment, but eventually Jisoo finds his words and mumbles, "No, it was good. Felt good." He blinks long and slow, seemingly trying his best to focus. "Just sensitive," he finishes, and rolls his shoulders a little as if going over the memory of it again in his head. "You can touch me if you want. Was that too much? Sorry if I freaked you out, we can stop doing this." 

"No, it's fine. I'm okay," says Jeonghan, but he doesn't move to make contact again. He bites his lip. "Did it really feel good?" 

"Yeah," says Jisoo, his voice a low murmur, "Really good." He clears his throat. "Are you sure you're okay?" 

"I'm fine," Jeonghan says again, "Just- keep going." 

There's a pause where Jisoo turns this over in his head, then he thumbs comfortingly at Jeonghan's wrist and does as he's been told, eyes slipping shut again. It feels a little silly now, pulling back as if he'd been burned when Jisoo'd only been responding to his touch, when Jeonghan had been the one in control of where he was putting his hand. But to see him react so intensely and strongly to something Jeonghan had done feels like too much somehow, like he's crossed a line in the sand he wasn't aware he'd drawn. This isn't something he wants to be involved in, or at not least any further than he's already gone. 

Annoyed, Jeonghan puts the thoughts out of his head and refocuses on what actually deserves his attention; namely, Jisoo as he whimpers high in the back of his throat and twists in the sheets. His voice, usually so smooth and measured, comes out unrestrained now, drawn ragged around the edges as he pants shakily. Idly, Jeonghan pets at the mop of hair lying in his lap and traces the curve of Jisoo's face with his fingertips, pausing to rest them lightly on his side of his jaw to feel the tiny movements of his neck as he breathes. 

(This is maybe a little bit like seeing what Jisoo's given up for him, what he could've had with someone else. Someone else who would've had sex with him quite happily, and been able to let Jisoo fully enjoy his own pleasure without constantly having to mind them at the same time. Jeonghan's a selfish enough person to want Jisoo entirely to himself; had tried to be okay with the idea of letting his partner have sex with other people but in the end he'd realised he simply wasn't wired that way and it wouldn't work out. He'd said as much to Jisoo, way back in the beginning when Jeonghan had been convinced that this would be the only possible way of proceeding, but Jisoo had just shrugged and said it was fine with him, that it had always been fine with him if Jeonghan had just asked.

Logically, Jeonghan knows that sex isn't actually important. It doesn't put food on the table, it doesn't put money in the bank, it doesn't do anything really that can't be achieved through other more efficient methods. It's just that everyone always goes on and on about it like it's the nectar of the gods, as if a fulfilling life without it is inconceivable and  
out of the realm of possibility. It's not important and it's not everything, but it's so disproportionately valued like it is that Jeonghan can't help but feel so intensely grateful that Jisoo's given it all up just for him.)

Jeonghan stares at the shape of Jisoo's face as it contorts again—the familiar curves of his eyes, the sloped bridge of his nose, the soft bow of his lips—and there's that feeling again, the one that's just Jeonghan's entire heart welling up and bursting with affection at the sight of him. He's always been adamant to say it isn't _that kind of_ love, not like _that_ , not so simple and easy to untangle but love it is for sure, some kind of nebulous wispy intangible thing that deserves to share the same name. 

"You're beautiful," begins Jisoo suddenly, "You're amazing and lovely and I never want to let you go." 

Jeonghan wants to make a smartass comment, is opening his mouth to do it but Jisoo doesn't stop and just keeps barreling on. "Everything about you is perfect, your eyes your mouth your lips your hands your legs your words your personality how you smile-" 

This is something new, something strange and frantic in the lines of Jisoo's face as he babbles, tugging at Jeonghan's wrist urgently like he needs him so badly to understand what's coming out of his mouth. "I always want you to be with me and for us to be together and I'd give you the world if I could, everything, anything in my power. I only want you to be happy as you can possibly be, to return even half of what you've given me. Nobody makes me feel like this, nobody could ever be as good as you."

He stops to breathe, voice cracking, and Jeonghan shushes him, confused, not really understanding. "It's okay, it's okay. I hear you, I'm happy, I have everything I want," he soothes, running his fingers over Jisoo's face and petting, trying to be reassuring. "It's alright, it's fine, it's all good. Shhhhh."

"Jeonghan," says Jisoo, and it sounds different from how he usually says it, all short and breathy and twisted up with something desperate and helpless all at once. He presses his hot cheek into Jeonghan's palm, makes a sound like a bitten-off sob. "I love you. Jeonghan. Jeonghan. Jeonghan." 

"Shh, it's okay." Jeonghan strokes the nape of Jisoo's neck, dragging his fingertips through the a thin layer of sweat there. It catches the light and glistens prettily whenever he moves. "I'm here. It's okay." 

He flinches when Jisoo keens thinly and spasms, back arching hard and sudden before he sighs and goes still, panting. Concerned, Jeonghan rubs his back, uncertain what he needs or what he's feeling but figuring he can't go wrong with being comforting. "You okay?" he asks, after a moment, tentative and cautious. 

"Mmmm," Jisoo mumbles, then makes a clear effort to speak up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. Let me rest for a bit." 

Still unsure, Jeonghan nods but gives him the time he wants, busying himself with brushing his fingers rhythmically through strands of sweaty hair. Jisoo leans into the touch minutely, eyes closing, just lying quietly in Jeonghan's lap and letting himself be fussed over. 

"That thing that happened at the end…?" Jeonghan asks a few minutes later when Jisoo's breathing has evened out, unable to help himself. He trails off, not really knowing how to finish his sentence. 

"Sorry," Jisoo murmurs, eyes still closed, "It- it's just a thing. I just needed you to know I loved you. Gross sappy romantic crap. I was kind of trying not to, because it can come on strong and I didn't want to scare you."

"It didn't bother me," says Jeonghan. He pauses. "You're gross and sappy and romantic all the time already anyway." Jisoo huffs a weak laugh. "Is it usually like this? When you… do it by yourself."

"It's not usually as… good," Jisoo says, and turns his face a little more into the pillow, probably a little embarrassed but too tired to really do anything about it. 

"So that was good?"

"Yes. Very."

"Huh," says Jeonghan, contemplatively. 

Jisoo sighs, then pushes himself to roll over onto his back with a groan. "That was okay for you?" he asks, stretching his arm up. Jeonghan dips his head so the searching hand can reach his face more easily. 

"It was," he responds, then stops. Jisoo doesn't push, just waits patiently for him to run the question over in his head again and really think about it. "I don't know that this wasn't a one-off," Jeonghan says, apologetic and almost ashamed. "It was definitely okay today, but. I don't know how I'll feel about doing this again later. So yeah, sorry. I can't promise you a next time." 

"Don't be sorry," says Jisoo softly, like Jeonghan knew he would. Still, hearing it makes something pinchingly anxious in his chest quell and settle, relieved. "It's okay. More than okay. I don't want anything you don't want too." 

Jeonghan nods, following Jisoo's hand with his own as it drops so he can lace their fingers together. He doesn't say anything but Jisoo picks up on his need for reassurance anyway, squeezing his hand gently and cradling it against his chest. 

"I hope this isn't the hand you touched your dick with," says Jeonghan, after a long moment. 

Jisoo snorts. "It's not." He makes a face as if suddenly remembering something, then looks pleadingly up at Jeonghan. "Tissues?" 

Jeonghan passes it over without comment and Jisoo grabs them quickly, his hand disappearing in and out of the covers in a flash. The sheets rustle as he moves, then he aims and pitches the wad of used tissues at the trash can. 

It falls slightly short. "Gross," says Jeonghan, wrinkling his nose. 

Jisoo rolls his eyes. "I'll pick it up later," he says, yawning a real yawn this time. "And yeah, I'll also change the sheets, no need to tell me or worry your pretty little head about it." He turns to curl up on his side, snuggling deeper into the blankets. 

"Sleepy?" 

"Kinda, yeah," Jisoo says, apologetically. "You can get out from under me if you like." 

"I'll stay," says Jeonghan, and brushes away the hair that's fallen across his face. Content and halfway asleep already, Jisoo just hums in acknowledgement. 

"I love you," Jeonghan tells him quietly. 

"I love you too," Jisoo says back, and they both mean it differently but they mean it just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooo JUST in case it wasn't clear: I am an aromantic asexual individual and this is an interpretation of a singular experience, NOT a blanket statement about all aromantic asexuals everywhere and what they want. If you have an aro-spec or ace-spec individual in your life, it's prob best to ask them specifically about what their own specific identity means to them (or like, not ask at all if they don't seem comfortable with talking about it) because all of us are super super super varied in ideas and preferences and assuming things never goes well for anyone. 
> 
> Do NOT use this fic to pressure an aroace into doing this with you. Seriously. That's messed up. I hate having to say it, but it has to be said bc so many people already try to weaponise our resources against us and bc compulsory sexuality/romanticism, societal pressures, feelings of brokenness etc etc etc etc yada yada (if you wanna find out more about this, google is your friend)
> 
> Anyway, I hope this gave y'all an insight into what being an aroace can be like! I think stories are powerful, and if I can get even just one more person to understand our struggles, then it's a win for all of us. Yay for progress!
> 
> ~
> 
> To my siblings, other aros and aces and everything in between:  
> This one's for you. 
> 
> (I hope it helps.)


End file.
